Source
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On Saturday afternoon, I was waiting for Shiori under the clock tower in front of the station.
It was our first day off together since we started dating. We were going to the movie theater and a café inside the station building. It wasn’t exactly a special date. Still, I’d been restless since morning and had left home thirty minutes before our meeting time.
I checked my outfit over and over in the mirror. A black hoodie and slim-fit jeans. It felt a bit too safe, but I figured it was better than trying too hard and making her laugh at me. The fact that I was even thinking that way meant I was pretty nervous.
Shiori arrived ten minutes early.
She was wearing a white blouse, a navy cardigan, and a skirt that fell just below her knees. Instead of her usual low ponytail, she’d swept her hair slightly to the side and pinned it back. She looked softer than she did at school, and for a moment, I hesitated to speak to her.
“Sorry to keep you waiting.”
“No, I just got here early. …Um, that casual outfit suits you.”
As soon as I said it, my face flushed. Shiori’s eyes widened slightly, then she lowered her gaze and nodded quietly.
“Thank you. It suits you too, Minato-kun.”
Just hearing my name made my chest feel strange. I still hadn’t gotten used to it since she first called me by name that afternoon
Since we had a little time before the movie, we browsed the variety store in the station building. Shiori’s eyes were drawn to practical stationery and small bookmarks rather than flashy items. When I said, “Shiori, you’re looking at bookmarks,” she furrowed her brow slightly.
“How many times do you think I’ve heard that joke by now?”
“I’m sorry.”
“But since it’s you, Minato, I’ll let it slide.”
She said it with a serious expression, and I found myself laughing awkwardly. Since I’d been constantly running around doing favors for people at school, having time to make silly small talk like this felt strangely luxurious.
By the time we finished the movie and went into a café, I’d relaxed a bit. Shiori ordered tea, and I ordered iced coffee. From our window seat, we could see the street in front of the station. As I watched the flow of people, a familiar head of brown hair suddenly caught my eye.
It was Rino.
She was walking with a friend. She hadn’t noticed us yet. But for a split second, my body froze. She might say something to me. If she found me, it could get complicated. The moment that thought crossed my mind, I almost stood up reflexively.
“Minato-kun.”
Shiori’s voice stopped me in my tracks.
She followed my gaze and seemed to figure it out right away. Without reproaching me, she looked at me with concern.
“You don’t have to force yourself to look like you’re fine.”
“……Did I look like that?”
“You did. You looked like you were getting ready to apologize in advance because you were worried it would be a hassle if she found out.”
She’d hit the nail on the head, and I was at a loss for words.
It was so true it made me hate myself. If Rino said something, I’d probably try to smooth things over right away. I’d apologize to Shiori, saying, “Sorry to ruin our date,” and I might even tell Rino, “Sorry for acting weird.”
Shiori set down her cup and her expression grew slightly serious.
“Minato-kun, you’re always quick to frame things in a way that makes you look at fault. I think you have a habit of apologizing before the other person gets angry, looking for a way to avoid conflict.”
“If that’s all it took, it was easier that way.”
“Was it easier?”
It was a quiet question.
I couldn’t answer. It was easier. That’s what I thought. But maybe, in reality, it wasn’t easier at all. I was just putting off trouble, trying to keep the other person happy, and each time, I was giving up a little bit of my own time.
“Being kind is different from swallowing things you don’t like.”
Shiori said it clearly.
“I don’t think Minato-kun should be cold to everyone. But you don’t have to act like a good person in front of me. If you don’t like something, it’s okay to say so; if you’re scared, it’s okay to say that too. It makes me feel a little lonely when you pretend to be fine even with me.”
Those words sank deep into my heart.
I wanted to at least look cool in front of Shiori. I wanted to show her that I’d become someone who could stand up to Rino and the others, and I wanted to tell her that I was okay now. But in reality, I’m still scared. I’m scared of getting yelled at, of being blamed, and of losing someone.
Shiori could see that fear in me.
“To be honest, I’m still scared. Every time those guys say something to me, I wonder if maybe I’m the one at fault. But I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to waste the time I have with Shiori trying to please someone else.”
Shiori nodded slightly.
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“Doesn’t that make me look pathetic?”
“No, it doesn’t. I think those are the words of someone who’s trying to make the right choice.”
Outside the window, Rino’s figure had disappeared into the crowd. I didn’t chase after her, nor did I hide.
As we left the café, Shiori held out her hand just a little. I hesitated for a moment, then took it. It was different from when she’d held my hand in the school hallway. This time, I was the one who intertwined my fingers with hers.
Shiori’s hand was a little cold.
“Where should we go next?”
“The bookstore in the station building. I want to see that book you were looking at again.”
“Are you still saying that?”
“I’ll pick it out seriously this time.”
Shiori let out a sigh as if exasperated, but she didn’t let go of my hand.
I walked beside her. Today, I wouldn’t apologize before anyone even called out to me, nor would I swallow my feelings and force a smile. I wanted to choose being Shiori’s boyfriend over just being a nice guy.
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