Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/2912051598917319858
Even the next day, I still hadn’t heard back from Shino.
Shino didn’t show up for our first required class either.
Normally, she’d be sitting next to me or a little further away, bantering with someone, but I couldn’t hear her voice. The classroom should have been as noisy as usual, but to me, the whole place seemed somehow unsettled.
(Is she not coming today either…?)
Before I knew it, it was lunch break.
As I was packing up my things, Iwami and the others came over.
“Ozaki, have you heard anything from Aizawa?”
“……No, I haven’t heard anything.”
I wasn’t lying.
But it was obvious that I was the reason Shino wasn’t coming to class, and every time someone asked me that, I was painfully reminded of my own inadequacy.
Still feeling that way, I finished lunch and headed to the classroom for my next class.
As I secured my usual spot and spread out my things, a pile of belongings was plopped down next to me.
“Reserving a seat—what a noble cause♪”
A familiar voice called out, and I turned my head so sharply I thought my neck might snap.
There, looking exactly the same as always—as if nothing had happened at all—was Shino.
“Shino…”
“Good morning, Rintaro. I overslept and missed my morning classes~”
Shino yawned widely, quickly got her things ready for class, and sat down next to me just like always.
“Hey, it’s Shino. I was worried—I thought you were sick or something.”
“Sorry, sorry. I just took the day off on my own. I took full advantage of my college student privileges.”
Shino laughed heartily without a hint of guilt; she seemed unnaturally at ease, considering what had happened.
I had absolutely no idea what Shino was thinking or why she was here right now.
How should I act? How should I treat her?
Shino sat next to me and started chatting with the girl in the seat behind us—everything about her was exactly the same as always, yet I couldn’t feel even a shred of relief.
“Hey, Shino… Can we talk for a bit after this?”
“Hmm? Sure, but I missed lunch, so if you’re buying.”
“…Alright.”
“Seriously? Yay! It pays to ask, huh~”
Shino blinked her eyes and grinned.
I wonder what kind of face I was making. I don’t know, but normally Shino would have teased me, saying something like, “What’s with that weird face?” But she didn’t seem to care at all and just went right back to talking with the girls behind us.
★ ☆ ★
In the end, I couldn’t concentrate at all during the third period class.
Shino, sitting next to me, was listening to the lecture and taking notes as usual.
She’d spin her pen, rub her eyes sleepily, and whenever a girl in the back row whispered to her, she’d smile just with her lips and give a brief reply.
No matter how I looked at her, she was the same old Shino.
That’s exactly why I’m even more confused.
I just can’t seem to connect the words she directed at me at the ticket gate before the last train the night before last with the Shino who’s calmly taking notes right here and now.
When the professor announced the end of class, Shino stretched widely.
“Ahh, I’m hungry. Rintaro, you haven’t forgotten our promise from earlier, have you?”
“I haven’t forgotten. Let’s go, then.”
“Yeees, let’s go score a free meal~”
Shino said this cheerfully and, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, started walking beside me.
Normally, I would have just brushed it off, thinking, “She’s getting a little too full of herself again.”
But today, I couldn’t just take that cheerfulness at face value.
It was just after the lunch rush had died down a bit at the cafeteria, and there were a few empty seats here and there. Shino stood in front of the ticket machine and, without hesitation, chose the fried chicken set meal. When I bought my meal ticket, she narrowed her eyes in satisfaction.
“Man, fried chicken tastes extra special when someone else’s paying for it.”
“At least wait until you’ve eaten it before you say that.”
“I can tell even before I eat it. This tastes like victory.”
Exchanging lighthearted banter, Shino spotted an empty seat and sat down.
Then, as she immediately took a bite of the fried chicken, she suddenly—
“So, is this about what happened the other day?”
She brought up the topic casually, as if it were no big deal.
I was taken aback and my reaction was a little slow, but I knew I couldn’t let Shino set the pace, so I decided to just start talking on my own.
“Oh, the other day… I wanted to talk about it properly.”
Even after I brought it up like that, Shino didn’t seem the least bit flustered.
On the contrary, she even gave a slight, exasperated laugh.
“Rintaro, you’re so serious.”
“Are you making fun of me?”
“No, I’m impressed. Usually, it’s easier to just brush things like this off, right?”
Shino took a sip of water and let out a deep sigh.
“But it’s fine. If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen. As a thank-you for the fried chicken set meal.”
I had absolutely no idea what Shino was thinking.
But even so, that doesn’t change what I need to do.
“I didn’t realize how you felt, Shino.”
“I know that much. I mean, that’s just Rintaro, isn’t it?”
She gave me a look that seemed to say, “What’s so obvious about that…?”
“So what?”
Shino tilted her head slightly.
“If I say I was hurt, will Rintaro respond to my feelings?”
I was at a loss for words.
Shino’s tone wasn’t accusatory at all.
“That’s impossible, right? So there’s no point in dredging that up.”
“No point…?”
“I mean, isn’t that how it is? I asked him out, and Rintaro turned me down. That’s all. It’s not like Rintaro did anything wrong, and I’m not mad at him either.”
“Weren’t you shocked?”
The moment I said it, I realized I’d put my foot in my mouth.
It was a self-conscious, arrogant, and insensitive thing to say.
But Shino didn’t seem to mind at all; she just gave a small, self-deprecating chuckle.
“It was a shock, yeah. I never thought there’d be a guy who’d turn down a girl this beautiful when she was looking up at him with those eyes—and throw away his chance to lose his virginity.”
“Don’t put it like that.”
“What?”
“Don’t treat yourself so lightly.”
Shino’s chopsticks paused for just a moment.
But it was truly just a moment. Immediately, Shino returned to her usual expression and took a sip of water as if nothing had happened.
“Well, I’ll be serious for a moment.”
Even as she said this, Shino looked annoyed.
“I invited you knowing full well—that you wouldn’t be easily swayed, and that you’d probably end up blaming yourself later. Even so, I said it because I wanted to. So, Rintaro, there’s no need for you to worry about it more than necessary.”
Shino’s argument was so reasonable and logical.
There was absolutely no room for me to interject…
“So, you see,”
Shino flashed her usual smile again.
“No awkwardness between us from this, okay? I’m still planning to rely on Rintaro for help with my German test. And I’ve got plans to take advantage of his guilt to get him to treat me to lunch, whether it’s for course registration, assignments, or whatever.”
“Don’t put that last one on the schedule.”
“I’m putting it on the schedule—it’s important. Being a college girl costs money, you know. Popular Shino-chan has two social engagements lined up for this week, too.”
“Don’t just brush it off like that.”
“Call it being realistic. Come on, let’s drop this. The fried chicken’s getting cold.”
Saying that, Shino picked up her chopsticks as if nothing had happened.
If I pressed her any further, she’d probably brush it off with another lighthearted remark. But right now, I didn’t have an answer worth stopping her for.
“……I get it.”
“Very well. Then I’ll be having dessert.”
“Don’t get too cocky.”
“Tch.”
It was supposed to be our usual back-and-forth.
But Shino never looked me in the face, not even once. She pretended not to notice the silence—which she’d normally be the first to break—or the awkward pause, and finished her meal.
“So, that’s my way of saying I’m not bothered by it. It’s not like me to dwell on things like this, after all.”
“…………”
“So let’s keep things as they are, Rintaro. Because right now, I’m just your regular female friend.”
Saying that, Shino stood up with her tray—and she was exactly the same as always, the Shino I knew.
It might be presumptuous of me to say this, since I’ve never really faced my own feelings head-on, but still, I’ve known Shino for six years.
Just as she understands me, I understand Shino a little bit too.
So, after listening to her, there’s one thing I realized.
—That was her way of saying, “I’m not bothered by it.”
Those words are probably a lie.
I don’t know if it was a deliberate lie, but at the very least, it wasn’t Shino’s true feelings.
Shino can be stubborn, so even if I pointed it out right then and there, I didn’t think she’d admit it honestly. She’d probably just brush it off with a lighthearted remark and that would be the end of it.
So I needed to really think about what this sense of unease was all about. How do I see Shino? What is Shino trying to hide? I felt that after facing both of those questions head-on, I had to have another heart-to-heart talk with her.
And then, a little while later.
I was forced to realize—whether I liked it or not—that the uneasiness I’d felt wasn’t a mistake.
From that day on, Shino started skipping her college classes to go out and have fun.
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