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Wearing matching T-shirts, Shino and I wandered around the aquarium.
Under normal circumstances, I probably would have felt uncomfortable in this situation.
But perhaps because the aquarium was dimly lit, I wasn’t as self-conscious about people watching us as I expected.
The blue lighting and the glow from the tanks blurred the outlines of people standing a little ways away and those passing by.
The only things I could see clearly were the inside of the tanks and Shino right beside me.
(It’s like a camera’s focus.)
I felt like I understood, just a little bit, why trendy places are so fond of using indirect lighting.
“Rintaro, look over there. It’s a photo booth.”
Shino, who was walking half a step behind me, pointed to a small area set up for commemorative photos.
Dolphin figurines were lined up there, and a staff member was standing in front of the area, camera in hand. Nearby, several families and couples were waiting in line, receiving small prints as soon as their photos were taken.
“Wow, they’ll take our picture for free! We’ve gotta get one of these, right?”
“……But we just took a picture with a real dolphin a moment ago.”
Shino shook her head from side to side with an expression that seemed to say, “You just don’t get it.”
“That was a photo of us with a dolphin. This is a photo of just the two of us. See? It’s totally different.”
“Is that how it works?”
I didn’t quite get the logic behind it.
But I figured that if it were free—as opposed to having to pay—there was no reason to turn it down, so I headed to the back of the line while Shino tugged at the hem of my shirt.
The line moved faster than I expected.
A family in front of us finished their photos, and next, a couple who looked like college students stood shoulder-to-shoulder, looking a bit shy, as their photo was taken.
“Everyone’s striking a proper pose, aren’t they?”
“We can just be ourselves, right?”
“It’s not like we’re taking ID photos, after all.”
Shino laughed, looking exasperated.
Before long, it was our turn.
“Thank you for waiting. Now, please come this way, you two.”
Prompted by the staff, we stood in front of the dolphin sculpture.
Standing side by side like this, since we were wearing the same T-shirts, to anyone watching from the side, we must have looked like nothing but a couple, no matter how you looked at us.
“—Should we get a little closer?”
“Hey.”
“Okay, okay, I get it.”
Shino said cheerfully as she took half a step closer to me.
It was a distance where our shoulders were almost touching.
Normally, I wouldn’t have cared about that kind of distance, but for some reason, my attention had been drawn to it ever since.
“Okay, I’m going to take the picture now. Both of you, please look this way!”
With the camera pointed at us, I instinctively put on a smile.
Shino, standing next to me, is strangely quick to switch gears at times like this.
Even though she’d been teasing people just a moment ago, in front of the camera she was flashing a demure, elegant smile.
“Say cheese.”
The shutter clicked.
“Please take a look.”
The screen the staff member showed us displayed Shino and me standing side by side, flanking a dolphin figurine. While Shino wore a demure, elegant smile, my own smile looked stiff and forced, like a fake.
Plus, my gaze was slightly shifted toward Shino, making it look like I was the only one self-conscious. That really pisses me off.
“Rintaro, you’re so nervous it’s hilarious.”
“That’s why I don’t like taking pictures.”
“Don’t be shy. You look cute just the way you are ♡”
Shino, getting a little carried away, flashed me a mischievous smile.
Normally, I might have been a bit more annoyed, but today, I just thought, “Ah, she’s the same old Shino,” and it actually put me at ease.
“Here you go, as a keepsake.”
“Thank youuuu!”
Shino took it and immediately peered at the photo.
I looked over her shoulder, and the colors seemed a little softer than what I’d seen on the screen a moment ago.
Under the blue lighting, there we were, standing side by side in matching T-shirts.
“It’s nice—perfect for a keepsake.”
After looking at the photo for a while, Shino pointed to a sign nearby.
“Whoa, if you pay, they’ll make you an original keychain.”
“I’m not getting one.”
“Ugh, I knew you’d say that, Rintaro.”
Shino pouted, but she quickly turned her gaze back to the photo and slipped it into the back of her phone case.
“You’re putting it in there?”
“I’d hate to lose it, wouldn’t I?”
“Is it really that important?”
“Of course it is. Rintaro doesn’t let me take many photos of him.”
Even though she’d said it in a lighthearted tone, his reply was slightly delayed.
“……Did I?”
“Yeah, you did. So, I’m keeping this.”
Shino smiled contentedly and put away the phone case with the photo inside.
After walking around the building for a bit, she suddenly stopped in her tracks.
“Oh, look, they have drinks. Let’s take a little break.”
“Yeah, I’m thirsty too.”
Where Shino was pointing, there was a small area selling drinks under dim lighting.
At the back of the counter, illuminated by a blue-purple light, coral-like decorations glowed faintly. It was a place that felt like the bottom of the ocean at night—different from an aquarium.
We bought our drinks and moved to the edge of the aisle.
Perhaps because we were a little farther away from the show venue and photo areas, the voices around us sounded more distant than before. Shino’s profile, illuminated by the blue-purple light, also looked a little more serene than usual.
“Phew, that’s refreshing.”
Shino put the straw to her lips and took a breath.
I also poured the cold drink down my throat. After getting drenched and walking around, I guess I was thirstier than I’d realized.
“Hey, Rintaro. Is it okay if I ask you out to hang out normally again?”
Shino, who had downed half her juice in one gulp, asked me, sounding a little hesitant.
As if she were worried I might turn her down.
“…Sure, why not? But why?”
“Well… actually, I’ve been holding back a little. For a long time.”
“Holding back?”
Shino, holding back.
The words sounded so out of character that I couldn’t help but repeat them back to her.
“Rintaro, you’ve always wanted to be ‘normal,’ right? That’s why—whether it was studying for exams or thanking—I was always looking for some kind of reason to ask you out.”
“Oh…”
Of course, I knew that.
Whenever Shino asked me out, there was always some kind of reason.
But I’d always thought of it as Shino’s way of being considerate. I figured she was deliberately coming up with casual excuses so I wouldn’t feel too indebted to her, or so I wouldn’t end up overthinking things.
It never occurred to me that behind all that lay Shino’s own sense of hesitation.
“The truth is, I wanted to spend more time with you. After school, or on days off. Just hanging out without a reason, or talking about silly stuff at a family restaurant…”
At that, Shino gave a sheepish smile.
“But you wanted to keep things normal, right, Rintaro? I stood out quite a bit, so if we were together all the time, people might have started rumors like, ‘Are those two dating?’”
“Well…”
Shino held her cup with both hands and gently wiggled the tip of the straw.
“I was worried you might not like that kind of thing, Rintaro…”
“That’s not—true.”
“Yeah, I knew you’d say that now.”
Now.
Those words stuck for some reason.
“Rintaro’s been a little different lately, hasn’t he?”
“…I don’t know. But maybe I am trying to change a little.”
“Right. Like with Ellis-chan, and he’s not as concerned about what others think as he used to be… or rather, he’s trying hard not to care.”
“Ugh… So Shino saw right through me after all.”
Having been called out, I felt my face flush.
Unable to bear it, I took a sip of my drink, only to find it had gone empty without me noticing.
Perhaps sensing my fluster, Shino chuckled softly.
“Well, I don’t think there’s anyone besides his parents who knows Rintaro as well as I do.”
“That’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?”
“I’m not exaggerating. I’ve been watching him since middle school, so of course I know.”
Shino smiled with a hint of pride.
But almost immediately, the tension slipped from her smile.
“So, I was wondering if it’s okay for me to be a little more greedy.”
“Greedy…?”
“I want to spend more time with Rintaro.”
It didn’t seem like she was joking.
Shino’s eyes, fixed directly on me, were completely serious.
There was absolutely no way I could brush it off with a joke and walk away.
“Not just when there’s a reason, but just going out to hang out like we did today… or eating dinner while chatting about silly stuff… I want to do more of that.”
With every word she spoke, Shino’s face grew a little redder.
We’d been together for six years—a long-standing, somewhat troubled relationship. We weren’t the kind of couple who’d say something like this to each other’s faces at this point.
I knew full well how much courage it took, and how embarrassing it must be for her.
But Shino didn’t hide behind a joke; she saw it through to the end.
“…Is that okay?”
I couldn’t answer right away.
It felt like a single answer could change the entire dynamic of our relationship.
Come to think of it, Shino had definitely been a little different today.
Like when she clung to my arm during the dolphin show.
Or when she asked if we should hold hands.
And now, the earnest expression on her face as she waits for my answer.
I could just brush it all off as her usual playful antics.
But it seemed to me that there was just a tiny bit of something else mixed in there.
—Why did I think that?
The question pops into my head.
Am I looking for meaning in Shino’s words and gestures because she acted that way?
Or is it because I’m trying to see it that way?
I can’t come up with an answer.
So, even though I feel bad for Shino, I decided to take the safe route of giving an ambiguous, evasive answer.
“Ah, uh… it’s not like it’s a big deal.”
When I managed to reply like that, Shino’s eyes widened just a little.
Then she smiled, as if letting out a sigh of relief.
“Oh, okay, that’s good. So, I’ll ask you to hang out again, okay?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Mm, no problem.”
With that, Shino set off walking, her drink in one hand.
I walked alongside her.
The distance between us was the same as it had been just a moment ago.
The distance of a long-standing, complicated relationship—one we’d walked side by side countless times before.
And yet, every time her profile came into view, those words from earlier wouldn’t leave my mind.
I probably need to think about this.
—What does Shino mean to me?
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