Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/2912051600327232539
Celebrities’ attempts at disguise are fundamentally flawed.
A black hat pulled low over the eyes, a black mask covering more than half the face. It’s like walking around flashing a sign to everyone around you that says, “I’m hiding here.”
If you really want to blend into the cityscape, you should carry a clear plastic shopping bag with a single leek sticking out of it. When passersby see someone holding a green onion, they subconsciously think, “I wonder if they’re having hot pot for dinner tonight,” and lose all further interest. The green onion is the ultimate optical camouflage in modern society.
2:00 a.m. As I sat on my usual bench constructing this theory of crime prevention, a textbook example of that “wrong disguise” appeared right before my eyes.
“…If you’re scouting out a convenience store robbery, this is outside my jurisdiction.”
“No way! My manager gave this to me and said, ‘You absolutely have to wear this when you’re out at night.’”
As she ripped off her black hat and black mask, Shizuku’s sullen face appeared from beneath them.
Judging by her labored breathing, she must have been running.
Shizuku plopped down on a bench and glanced over at the vending machine. I stood up without a word, tossed a hundred-yen coin into the machine, bought an extra-sweet cocoa, and dropped it onto her lap.
“…Thanks.”
“Your voice sounds hoarse. Did you overdo it with your mammoth-hunting training or something?”
“My vocal coach was a monster. She went on and on about diaphragmatic breathing and made me sing with three dictionaries stacked on my stomach. I’m an idol, not a singer, you know.”
“That’s that old-school sports-spirit theory: if you can handle physical pressure, you can handle mental pressure. You should be grateful the corners of the dictionaries didn’t pierce your stomach.”
With a pop, she opened the pull tab, took a sip of cocoa, and let out a deep sigh.
“Our debut concert is finally next week. …Hey, Minato, what if no one shows up? What if the audience is completely empty?”
“That just means the oxygen concentration in the venue will stay high. The risk of carbon dioxide poisoning goes down, so it’ll be a healthy concert.”
“That’s not what I’m asking for! Don’t you have any standard lines to encourage an idol, like that?”
“My mental dictionary doesn’t have any convenient stock phrases like that registered. Besides—”
It was just as I was about to finish speaking.
Near the park entrance, a short distance from the bench. In the shadows where the streetlight didn’t reach, I noticed an unfamiliar gray minivan parked there.
The engine wasn’t running. But the driver’s side window was open just a few centimeters, and from there, a long, black, cylindrical object was pointing straight at us.
It took my brain less than a second to recognize, from the faint reflection of the streetlight, that it was a camera’s telephoto lens. A troll fisherman, or just a hyena?
Either way, the situation was extremely simple.
A highly anticipated rookie idol on the verge of her debut is having a secret rendezvous with a stranger in a park late at night. That scenario alone has more than enough punch to make the top of the online news.
“Minato?”
“…Shizuku, did you bring a leek?”
“What are you talking about? Of course I didn’t bring one.”
“I see. If we don’t have optical camouflage, there’s nothing we can do. Let’s head back right now through the south exit—without looking back.”
I stood up and looked down at Shizuku, who was sitting on the bench.
“Huh? Why?”
“There’s a huge stray dog in the bushes by that entrance—one I’ve been keeping an eye on since last week. I’m about to have my final showdown with it. I don’t want to drag any civilians into this.”
“What!? A stray dog? This is a residential area!”
“The rabies virus doesn’t pick and choose where it strikes. Just hurry up. If you’re late for vocal training tomorrow, you’ll get made to carry the dictionary again.”
I gave Shizuku a gentle push on the back and pointed toward the south exit. She pouted in displeasure, but perhaps sensing something in my unusually hurried tone, she stood up.
“…Fine. Just don’t get hurt.”
“Okay.”
After watching Shizuku jog off into the shadows to the south,
I started walking slowly toward the minivan parked at the entrance. I made no move to run away; I simply walked straight ahead, toward the lens’s focal point.
I stopped a few meters in front of the car and slammed the empty cocoa can in my hand hard against the concrete block wall at my feet.
A sharp metallic clang echoed through the late-night residential neighborhood.
The car’s windows whirred shut in a flustered rush. Immediately afterward, the engine roared to life, and the minivan sped off into the darkness of the night as if fleeing.
It seemed my intimidation had worked. If the only photo taken was of a “violent man smashing an empty can,” at least it wouldn’t turn into a scandal for the idol.
I picked up the dented cocoa can and tossed it into the trash can. After the car disappeared, the park had regained its usual silence. But it wasn’t the same as before.
“…I guess I have no choice but to leave.”
Only the light from the vending machine cast a stark glow on the bench that had lost its owner. This place was no longer a safe, prime seat.
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