Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/822139843121925685/episodes/822139843894949721
[Tsukino’s Perspective]
“Tsukino, are you okay?”
The voice coming from the phone was Yu’s.
“Wh-why is Yu’s voice coming from Yukina’s phone…?”
“Ah, well… I wanted to contact Tsukino, but I didn’t have her number, so I borrowed Yukina’s phone. Sorry, I must’ve confused you.”
“…No, thank you for worrying about me.”
Maybe Yukina said something to him?
She seems to have found her own way to make amends, so it wouldn’t be strange for Yukina to have the emotional space to worry about me.
“—But Yu-san. I’m fine, really.”
Even if Yu-san was being kind to me now, it didn’t make me happy.
Rather… it hurt.
‘Oh, I see… But then why haven’t you been around lately? And your voice doesn’t sound that cheerful either…’
“…..You’re imagining things, aren’t you? I’ve just been a bit busy lately, that’s all. I haven’t been able to visit you.”
‘I see. Well, everyone has their reasons. …But if something’s wrong, don’t keep it bottled up. You can talk to me about it, okay?’
“…Yeah, thanks. You really are kind, Yu-san.”
“…? Is that so…?”
“Yes. You’re very… kind.”
Kind.
That’s precisely why—it hurts me to death.
That kindness is proof I broke him.
Every time he’s kind to me, someone inside my heart whispers, ‘I broke Yuu-san,’ ‘Because of me, Yuu-san became like this.’
It’s so painful and agonizing, my chest feels like it’s going to burst, and I want to kill myself.
I hang up while I still have my sanity.
“—Well, I have something I need to do, so I’ll have to go now.”
“Oh, yeah…!”
And so, I hung up the phone.
To be precise… I now have something I need to do.
—I need to distance myself from Yuu-san.
And… I need to distance myself a lot.
Moving out of the prefecture? That’s too weak.
At least go overseas.
That… I think is the best choice for us.
I won’t have to suffer from Yuu-san’s kindness.
Yuu-san won’t have to worry about me anymore.
It’s a win-win, isn’t it?
“…Tomorrow night… I’ll leave.”
There’s no need to rush that much.
But… staying with Yuu any longer, I was scared I’d get sucked into his charm and never be able to leave.
I wanted to act on this resolve while it was still firm.
“…Ah, Dad? I have a favor to ask—”
And so, I pleaded with my father, and it was decided I’d depart for overseas tomorrow night.
So this is goodbye to Yuu…
It felt like running away.
—No, that’s not right. I did run away.
Burdened with an unforgivable sin, my heart felt like it was breaking… In the end, I chose to run away without properly facing my guilt. I’m the worst kind of woman.
“…I’m sorry.”
Before I knew it, I was apologizing to the empty air.
“I’m sorry that the person you saved was such a despicable woman. I’m sorry I ran away without atoning for my sins. I’m sorry… I’m truly sorry…”
Before I knew it, all the strength drained from my body, and I collapsed onto the floor.
The floor was littered with countless origami cranes, and as I sat down, they crumpled and crushed beneath me.
It felt like the very act of sitting down was crushing the remorse I felt toward the Yu-san inside me.
And then, I cried for hours and hours.
I shed a flood of tears, as if trying to expel the guilt of running from my sins from my body.
And then… as the date changed and sunlight streamed through the window.
――Ding-dong
The intercom’s sound echoed throughout the house.
So early in the morning… Who could it be?
No way…
N-no, surely that’s impossible…
But… maybe…
I wiped my tears with the hem of my shirt and stood up.
Then—I walked to the front door and opened it.
“――Hey, Tsukino.”
There――was Yu-san, sitting in a wheelchair.
――◇――◇――◇――
[Protagonist’s Perspective]
“Wh-why… is Yu-san here…”
Tsukino stared wide-eyed, utterly dumbfounded.
Well, of course it was unbelievable.
After all, I was supposed to be confined to bed, yet somehow I was standing right in front of my own house.
“I-Injury! What happened to your injury?! You’re supposed to be resting still…”
“Hm? Oh, that? I thought you were going to ask how I knew your address.”
Scratching my head, I gave a slight wry smile—
“—I snuck out of the hospital.”
I told Tsukino that.
“Wh—what?! You snuck out of the hospital?! So, so you… came all the way here to the hospital by wheelchair… alone?!”
“Yeah. Took about two hours, but it was a nice change of pace.”
“…”
Tsukino’s expression tightened as she saw my nonchalant attitude.
Then, in a voice mixed with anger and confusion—
“…Why?”
“Huh?”
“Why did you come to my house, doing something so dangerous…?! Like I said earlier, I’m busy—”
“—Busy? …Oh, busy preparing to move overseas?”
“?!”
Tsukino looked like she was about to ask, Why do you know that…?
“Well, I overheard a bit. That Tsukino was leaving for overseas tonight… So—I thought I’d at least ask why.”
“…It’s none of your business, Yu-san.”
Saying that, Tsukino slightly averted her gaze from my eyes.
“…Tsukino, you’re looking away?”
“Ah…!”
Tsukino covered her mouth, looking like she’d been caught.
That reaction… So, it does have something to do with me after all.
But why?
Did I do something to upset her…?
…I don’t know.
Then I’ll have to ask her directly.
“Please, Tsukino. If there’s anything I can do to help, I will—tell me why you’re suffering so much… Won’t you tell me? I’m begging you…!!!”
“That… is…”
Tsukino looked away awkwardly.
After a moment’s hesitation… Tsukino finally spoke.
“I have… so much I need to make up for with Yuu-san. You don’t know what it is… but I do.”
Tsukino clenched her fists tightly before continuing.
“I can’t go into details… but to put it vaguely—when Yuu-san was desperately suffering to save us, I couldn’t help at all. If I’d tried harder, I could have done something… but I was the first to give up, choosing instead to just watch you struggle…”
Lifting her face, Tsukino’s eyes glistened with tears as she bowed her head sharply.
“So—I’m sorry. I’m truly… sorry…!”
Tsukino’s voice trembled faintly.
What Tsukino had revealed was a truth I’d never known before.
It was also a shock.
Tsukino hadn’t helped me when she could have.
…That was sad.
But—
“I don’t… really care that much.”
“…Is that so? But…”
Tsukino hesitated, then took a deep breath. As if steeled, she slowly opened her mouth.
“—If I had lent you my hand, Yuu, you might not have injured your leg and could have saved us. Considering that… could you say the same to me?”
“I can.”
The reply was immediate.
“True, if Tsukino had helped me, things might have turned out better. But they could have turned out worse too, right? Like… one of us losing our life… you know?”
“T-That’s… true…”
“Look, I’m satisfied with this outcome. Sure, I can’t play sports anymore… but everyone’s still alive.”
Everyone is alive.
It seemed obvious… yet that fact made me incredibly happy.
Why was that?
I didn’t know.
But… somehow, I felt like a long-cherished wish I’d held for years, even decades, had finally come true.
“But… the only reason you can say that, Yu-san, is because you don’t know anything—”
“—Ah, memory loss… I have that, don’t I?”
“Huh?!”
“Nah, after hearing you spout such nonsensical stuff over and over, even I figured it out.”
I hadn’t been certain… but the day after I woke up, I somehow knew.
Because—for some reason, I couldn’t remember my name from my past life.
That’s when I realized the possibility of memory loss.
“But it doesn’t matter. If I forgot it, it must not have been that important to me anyway. …Well! Either way, I don’t remember it now, so it’s irrelevant to me now.”
“Th-that’s not—”
“Tsukino.”
I cut Tsukino off and called her name.
“Can I ask again? Why… do you want to go overseas, Tsukino?”
For a moment, Tsukino’s face twisted in pain.
Then, after a brief silence, she began to speak.
“…I don’t know how to make it up to you, Yu-san… So I want to go somewhere I won’t bother you… But that’s also me running away from making amends…”
“Tsukino… Take your time. Slowly is fine… Calm down.”
“…Yes.”
After taking a deep breath, Tsukino told him everything.
How my gentle attitude was painful for her.
How she tried to make amends by distancing herself so she wouldn’t bother me.
But that… was actually to escape from a sin she couldn’t truly atone for.
“…I’m… despicable. In the end, bearing this unforgivable sin became too painful, so I tried to escape from it… ah…”
Tsukino dug her nails into her own palm.
Her face contorted in agony. Bright red blood spilled from her palm, the crimson stain gradually spreading.
I gently touched Tsukino’s hand like that and grasped it.
“…Can’t you just… stop trying to atone to me?”
“――That’s the one thing I absolutely can’t do. If I did… I’d surely break apart for real…”
Tsukino bit her lip, her expression complex, as if she might burst into tears at any moment… as if she might shatter.
“I see… So, you want a way to atone to me?”
“…Yes.”
“—Then I have a good way. A way you can make amends easily, without distancing yourself from me, without running from your guilt.”
“…Wh-what is it?”
Tsukino stared at me with eyes that seemed to cling to me.
Facing her like that, I pushed my wheelchair closer, closing the distance—then looked straight back at Tsukino and opened my mouth.
“Tsukino, being with me is painful for you, isn’t it? My gentle attitude is painful for you, isn’t it? Then—that pain is your atonement.”
“Eh…”
“Tsukino, endure that pain and stay with me. And savor that pain to the fullest. That is the atonement you must make.”
“Really… Is that all it takes to atone to you…?”
“Not enough? Then… I’ll add one more thing. When you’re with me, Tsukino, you must smile as much as possible. And av
oid looking gloomy whenever you can.”
If guilt inevitably clouds your expression…
Then try desperately to suppress it.
Try desperately to put on a bright expression and attitude.
That must be—quite painful for Tsukino right now.
That’s precisely why it becomes Tsukino’s punishment.
“Is that… really enough?”
“Yeah, it is. After all, I want everyone to show me bright expressions.”
I didn’t save those three just to make their expressions cloud over.
—I saved them because I want them to live happily.
“But think about it. Every time I act kind, it makes you suffer, yet you have to hide it and stay with me? Doesn’t that… hurt like hell? I think that’s punishment enough for Tsukino.”
“I see… So staying by Yu-san’s side and acting cheerful is my atonement…”
Yet Tsukino still didn’t seem convinced.
“But… this is a sin so great it can’t be atoned for even in a lifetime… No…!”
The next moment, Tsukino’s eyes widened as if she’d realized something.
“—Oh…! Then, I just need to stay by Yuu-san’s side for my entire life…! If I devote every single moment of this life to Yuu-san… Maybe… maybe this sin really could be atoned for…!”
“…Huh?”
Wait, isn’t this going in a different direction than I expected?
A lifetime?
…You’re joking, right?
“Yu-san… I’ll stay by your side for the rest of my life. And I won’t make that gloomy face anymore. I’ll try my best to smile properly…!”
Saying that, Tsukino smiled.
A little stiff… but it was a good smile.
Incidentally, this was the first time I’d ever seen Tsukino smile.
“But… Yu-san, there’s just one thing I need to say to draw a line under things.”
“What is it?”
Then, Tsukino knelt on the ground in seiza position—and bowed deeply.
“Eh, eh…?!?”
“I’m sorry for abandoning you… I’m the worst, most despicable woman… Truly… I’m sorry…”
Tsukino repeated her apology, her forehead pressed hard against the ground.
She was shrouded in a dark aura, her hands trembling.
Just looking at her, she seemed the same as always.
But—this time, it was different.
Tsukino lifted her face, met my gaze with eyes full of resolve, and spoke with heavy words.
“But… even though I’m this terrible person… will you stay with me from now on?”
“Huh… Yeah! Of course!”
I reached out my hand to Tsukino.
Tsukino timidly touched my hand… clasped it, and stood up.
At that moment, she wore a gentle, soft smile, like a true Japanese lady.
Finally—the gears had started turning.
That’s how it felt.
I prayed.
If she kept up this bright act forever.
If she kept lying forever… eventually, she’d forget she was even lying, and become the real thing.
Truly—from the bottom of my heart, I just wished for Tsukino to return to her old self.
—And so, Tsukino and I reached a temporary happy ending.
The real happy ending would come after I regained all my memories.
But… at least for now, I wanted to enjoy this temporary happy ending.
That’s what I thought, but it seemed God wouldn’t allow it—
“—Senpai, you’re amazing. Saving Tsukino-chan when she was suffering so much… It’s truly incredible…!”
On the way back from Tsukino’s house, Karen appeared out of nowhere and spoke to me.
“K-Karen… Were you listening…?”
“Yes…! Though I only caught part of it, you know!”
Karen smiled with an oddly cheerful voice.
We talked for a while after that, and she made a shocking confession to me—then, as we parted, Karen asked.
“By the way, Senpai. What exactly is a ‘Heroine Total Death End’?”
She asked.
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the mc is……. not dense ?
Good.