Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818093094088809262/episodes/16818093094861612068
On the way home, I suddenly thought of something and called Yua chan.
[I’m stopping by the convenience store, is there anything you want?]
Staring at the screen of my phone, I receive a reply within a few seconds.
The curt text reads, [I don’t need anything.]
I always think that Yua chan is truly selfless.
It’s been almost a month of this life, and yet her reserved attitude has not changed.
Even if I have juice or tea in the fridge, she will just drink tap water without touching it.
When I say to her, “Since I went to the trouble of buying them, you should drink them,. she reluctantly takes a sip of tea, but when she is alone, she seems to pour water from the faucet into a glass and drink it.
That makes a small wave in my mind.
I feel like there is still a distance between me and her, and even though I know it can’t be helped, it makes me feel a little lonely.
Waiting for the day when she opens up to me, I grab a bag from the convenience store and walk home.
Unlocking the front door, Yua chan appears before I can take off my shoes.
She quietly greets me, having finished all of her housework.
[Illustration.]
https://kakuyomu.jp/users/tanakamatao01/news/16818093094861592543
I cast a soft light on her black hair.
The scars and bruises on her face have mostly disappeared, and her arms, once as thin as branches, have gained some flesh, though only a little.
The sleeves of her white T-shirt are slightly raised, revealing faintly rounded lines.
It is a sign that her body is gradually regaining its health.
“….Welcome home.”
A small voice echoes through the doorway, and I naturally smile.
“Yeah, I’m home.”
I place my hand on her head and stroke it lightly.
This has become a daily habit.
Her hair is soft to the touch and a slight warmth lingers on my fingertips. But something is different today.
The heat in her hand was stronger than usual, and a small uneasiness grew in my chest.
I look closer at her face and see that her cheeks are slightly reddish.
When I put my hand on her forehead, I can feel the heat slowly spreading through her.
“…..Yua chan, do you have a cold?”
“A cold…I don’t know… I feel a little…woozy…”
Her voice sounded weak and her eyes seemed a little moist.
“Hey, hey, go back to bed for now. I’ll take care of everything at home. Okay?”
“…But…”
“No but. This is an order. Okay?”
I take her light body in my arms and carry her into the bedroom.
Her slender shoulders are resting in my arms and I can feel them trembling slightly.
I gently lower her onto the bed and drape the blankets over her shoulders.
Her hair spreads on the pillow, and her closed eyes sink gently into her face.
I look up cold medicine for children on my phone while pulling out a fever sheet from the drawer.
Regret flashes through my mind that I should have prepared the medicine during the last vacation.
Worst case scenario, I’ll have to take her to the hospital.
I don’t have an insurance card, so I’ll have to pay the full amount, but that doesn’t matter now.
I peel off the fever sheet and apply it to her forehead.
Her eyebrows move slightly at the cold touch.
“I’m going to go get some medicine.”
“Um…I’m sorry…I haven’t finished the laundry yet…”
Her voice trails off and she looks up at me apologetically.
“I’ll take care of that. And do you think you can eat? Maybe I can get you some porridge or…jelly or something…”
Just as I was about to get up, a small hand squeezed the sleeve of my dress.
When I turned around in surprise, I saw that she had her eyes downcast and was stuttering something.
“…Hm? What’s wrong?”
“No…it’s….nothing…”
Her voice trembles and her hand gripping the sleeve tightens.
“Tell me.”
“No…really…”
“Say it.”
“…..I don’t want you to hate me…”
My heart stops for a moment at those words.
Her eyes are moist and her lips are trembling slightly.
“I won’t hate you. So tell me.”
She mumbles, her mouth agape and her eyes downcast, with the expression of a child begging for something from its parents.
“….I don’t want you….to go…anywhere…please.”
Her small voice echoed in the quiet room. My heart was burning and my eyes were blotting out.
It is a lie to say that nothing has changed.
She is changing little by little, but surely.
She believes in me and speaks her mind like this.
“…Well said.”
I gently stroke her head and brush her hair back.
Her eyes are fixed on me, and they glow slightly.
I take out my phone and open the delivery app.
I select a drugstore and order porridge, jelly, and cold medicine for the kids.
After I finish my order, I take her hand in mine and sit down beside her on the bed.
Her small hand entwines with my fingers, and I feel a slight warmth.
She closes her eyes and quietly catches her breath.
Looking at her profile, I feel a rush of love.
This must be what it feels like to love.
I want to protect her, I want to be there for her, and just thinking that fills my heart.
After a while, the delivery chime rings.
When I let go of her hand, her brow furrows slightly and a forlorn expression appears on her face.
“I’ll be right back.”
With that, she heads for the front door and receives the goods. I reheat the porridge, put it on the tray with the jelly, and return to the bedroom.
But she had fallen asleep.
Her quiet breathing echoes in the room, and her face is peaceful, with the heat-sensitive sheet still attached to her forehead.
I feel bad to wake her, but I gently touch my finger to her cheek.
A slight fever still lingers, and I can feel her sleeping body trembling slightly.
“…Yua chan, dinner is ready. Can you wake up?”
I lightly peck her cheek and her eyelids slowly open.
Her sleepy eyes catch mine and a muffled voice escapes.
“….I’m….sorry…..I fell asleep.”
“I’m sorry too. But you need to eat something to cheer up. Can you sit up a little?”
I nodded and helped her sit up on the bed.
I put the pillow on her back and pull the blanket up to her shoulders. I place the tray on her stomach and open the lid of the porridge.
Steam rises and a faint aroma of rice spreads through the room.
I scoop it up with a spoon and blow on it to cool it down.
“Here, open your mouth.”
She opens a small mouthful and gently brings the rice porridge to her.
Her shoulders jolt, as if there is still a little heat in them.
“Sorry, was it hot?”
“No….it’s fine….”
“I’ll let it cool down a little.”
I blow on it a few times, and when it is just the right temperature, I put it in her mouth again.
She chews slowly and swallows. Her movements look like those of a young child, which warms my heart.
I look at her face and notice tears glistening at the corners of her eyes.
“Hey ! Are you okay? I’m sorry…”
I hurriedly apologize and she shakes her head.
Tears stream down her cheeks and fall onto the blanket.
“No-no…it’s not that…”
She says, her voice shaking, but the tears don’t stop, they just keep flowing.
I don’t know what she’s crying about, I’m just confused.
“What’s wrong? Does it hurt? Are you in pain?”
“No…just…”
She choked on her words and squeezed her eyes shut. I don’t know why.
But maybe…she has always longed for the warmth of having someone to worry about her when she catches a cold like this, to have someone by her side who is kind to her, something she takes for granted.
“It’s okay, even if you cry aloud.”
I put my hand on her head and gently brush her hair. Then she buries her face in my chest, and all the emotions that had been suppressed in her voice overflow at once.
“Ugh…uhhh…”
Her wailing sobs soak my shirt.
Her small shoulders tremble and her feverish body clings to me.
“….It’s okay. I’ll always be with you.”
Those are the words I wish I could have said to myself someday.
The words I wanted someone to say to me when I was a little, on the nights when no one was there for me.
I give her that thought.
I held her gently in my arms until her cries became quieter and quieter and she fell asleep on my chest.
◇ (The next morning)
Morning light leaks through the curtains and casts a soft brightness over the room.
Yua chan is still lying in bed, the blankets pulled up to her chest, asleep.
The heat sheet had been peeled off and fallen to the side of the pillow. I put my hand on her forehead to make sure her fever has gone down a little.
Last night, after she ate some porridge, I gave her a little mouthful of jelly and some medicine.
She fell asleep, probably tired from crying, and I laid her down on the floor with a blanket.
I get up, grimacing at the feeling of the hard floor on my back.
I go to the kitchen and open the refrigerator.
There is still some jelly left over from yesterday’s order.
I put some water in a pot to make some porridge.
The sound of rice being washed and put on the fire echoes in the quiet morning. Outside the window, the trees, which are now at the end of spring, are spreading their new leaves and swaying in the breeze.
Just as steam begins to rise from the pot, I hear small footsteps coming from the bedroom.
I turned to see Yua chan standing there with a blanket draped over her shoulders.
Her hair was disheveled and her eyes were still sleepily narrowed.
“Good morning. You can still sleep, okay?”
“…..Good…morning. ….When I woke up…you were gone…”
Her voice is gravelly and her hands are trembling as she squeezes the blankets.
“Sorry, I’ll be right with you. I was just making breakfast.”
As I approach, she takes a step forward and grabs the hem of my dress.
“….I thought you were….going somewhere.”
“I won’t go anywhere. I’m taking the day off work today, so I’ll be with you.”
She looks up at me, her eyes glowing slightly.
Her cheeks are a little red, probably because she still had tears from last night.
“….Thank…you…”
“Yeah. How’s the fever? Still wobbly?”
“….I feel….a little better.”
She gives a small nod and I breathe a sigh of relief.
I went back to the kitchen and put the porridge in a bowl.
I put it on a tray with the jelly and place it on the living room table.
She sits down on the sofa and puts a blanket on her lap.
“Eat slowly. I’ll take your medicine later.”
“……Yes.”
She takes a spoon and puts the porridge in her mouth.
I make a pot of coffee as I watch her. Steam rises and a bitter aroma fills the room.
I hear her cough and rush to pour water into her cup.
“Is everything all right?”
“……Yes. My throat….a little…”
“Drink some water. Take it easy.”
She takes the glass and drinks the water slowly.
After she has moistened her throat, she looks up at me.
“…Mister…thank you…for being with me…all day yesterday.”
“Of course. Yua chan is very important to me.”
At my words, her lips loosened slightly. It was a small smile that I had never seen before.
◇
Near noon, her fever has dropped even lower.
She sits on the sofa, the TV on low.
I start the washing machine and hang up the rest of the laundry that Yua chan was anxious to do.
I open the window and a pleasant breeze enters the room, lightly shaking the curtains.
When I finish hanging the laundry and return to the living room, I find her on the sofa with her knees in her arms.
A children’s cartoon is playing on the TV, and her cheerful voice echoes in the room.
“Yua chan, how are you feeling?
“…Much…better. Thank you.”
“I’m glad. You just rest a little longer.”
I sit down next to her and she leans in a little closer.
The edge of the blanket touches my knee and her shoulder rests against my arm.
“Mister…will you…stay…with me?”
“Yeah. I promise.”
She gives a small nod and turns her attention back to the TV.
I’ll be there for you forever, I promise.
I stroke her hair lightly and savor the quiet moment.
Little by little, she opens up to me.
That small change warms my heart.
I protect her and stay close to her.
I feel that this is becoming the meaning of my life.
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