Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/16818093094088809262/episodes/16818093094753485127
◇
The morning stillness filled the room.
The light coming in through the window filters through the curtains and creates a pale pattern on the floor.
I sit down on the sofa, a cup of hot tea in my hand.
The cool, spring-like air of Hokkaido is flowing into the room, and I can feel the petals of the cherry blossoms dancing in the wind outside.
Yua chan’s new life and her 11th birthday have begun, my week-long vacation is over, and I start work today.
“I’m off then. I’d love to take you to work, but I’m mostly on the road today. Leaving a girl alone in the car…it’s going to be a hassle. I’m sorry. If you need anything, call me right away. If you get hungry, there’s plenty in the fridge, and you can have snacks and juice as you like. Feel free to use the TV, too.”
When I calmly addressed Yua chan, she sat down on the edge of the sofa and gave a small nod with her knees in her hands.
“…..Yes.”
“….Then….I’ll be back at noon. Until then, I’m sorry.”
With her quiet eyes looking away from me, I head for the front door.
I put on my shoes, open the door, and feel the cold spring wind on my cheeks.
I get into the car and turn the key, the low hum of the engine echoing in the background.
The reality that work is about to begin comes to my mind, but it’s the first time I’ve left Yua chan alone, and I’m not at ease.
The phone I gave her should be in her possession. If anything happens, she will contact me.
I tell myself that and step on the accelerator.
◇ (Yua chan’s point of view)
The moment Mister closed the door, silence fell over the room.
I sit down on the sofa, hug my knees, and turn on the TV.
The lively voices of cartoons on the screen echo, but my mind drifts somewhere far away.
Mister’s kind words linger in my head and my heart buzzes slightly.
I have been in hell since I was born.
My father had apparently raised his hand to my mother before I was born.
He didn’t work, spent money on gamble while my mother earned money from part-time jobs, and bought women with the family’s savings.
He was such a lousy man.
And I was born as a result of my father forcibly raping my mother.
My birth gave my father one more target.
Instead of protecting me, my mother cursed me for having my father’s face on me and beat or kicked me.
Then one day, my mother ran out of patience and ran away, leaving me behind.
From then on, hell became even deeper.
All the violence my mother had been subjected to fell on me, my body was covered in scars, and my heart was like a shattered shell.
I was forced to shoplift for a living and was beaten if I was caught.
The Child Guidance Center and the police knew about my situation. But no one helped me, perhaps because they knew of my father’s madness.
This house was the abyss itself for me.
Then that man appeared.
He was a young man with sharp eyes who came to collect debts.
He always looked softly only at me.
It was exhilarating to see my father bowing his head in a sneer.
The day that person came was my only salvation.
Then one day, my father sent me to go to Mister’s house.
At first I was scared.
The person who smiles the most reveals his or her true nature when we are alone.
I was afraid that he would sell me somewhere or use me as a sexual object.
Even if Mister was kind, he was a loan shark.
I couldn’t trust him.
Even if he fed me delicious food, gave me orders, gave me a room, gave me gifts…I could not break down the walls of my heart.
But he didn’t get annoyed with me and gave me something new.
The city lights shining on a spring night, the sweetness of birthday cake, the meaning of life.
Thinking of these things, I listen to the sound of the TV.
[Illustration.]
https://kakuyomu.jp/users/tanakamatao01/news/16818093094755086524
But someday Mister will have a girlfriend.
And when that happens, I’ll be in the way.
At that time…I will disappear gracefully.
For the sake of Mister’s happiness, that’s nothing. I get up from the couch and walk to the water tap. I fill up a glass of water, and as the cold water runs down my throat, my head clears a little.
Suddenly, I start strolling around the house, curious.
I want to know his secret.
Not that I’m going to do anything with it. I just wanted to understand him better, so my feet moved. There was nothing in my room, so I went to his room.
When I open the door, I can smell him. The bed is disheveled and papers are strewn across the desk.
I look into the back of the closet and see his elementary, junior high, and high school graduation albums.
Pulling it out, my fingers touch the slightly dusty cover. I turn the page and there is Mister’s face, the same as it is now.
He is a child, yet there is something dignified about him.
Smiling photos line the pages, and his kindness puts me at ease.
Holding the high school album in my hand, a letter slips off the last page.
I pick it up, and the beautiful handwriting catches my eye.
[I’ve always loved you.]
It is the handwriting of a girl.
After that, she writes about her feelings for Mister. At the end is a name.
[Akino Rinoha.]
When I looked back at the photo album, I saw that name in the same class.
She has long hair and clear eyes. She is a beauty that stands out even in her class. But..,
Mister never said he had a girlfriend. So, when he got this letter…did he turn it down?
I searched the house.
Drawers, shelves, between books. But not a single picture or trace of her.
…I wonder why he turned it down.
No…maybe he didn’t notice this letter?
The moment that thought snuck into my mind, a black shadow stirred in the back of my mind.
It is the true nature that I have been hiding for so long.
I’m not a good girl.
I’m a dirty being, of the same blood as my father.
Holding the letter in my hand, I tossed it into Mister’s ashtray and lit it on fire with a match.
The paper burned red and turned to ash.
I just stared at it.
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