Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/2912051603008595869
The day after Shirasaki and I went shopping together, the moment I walked into the classroom, I could feel the stares around me carrying more intensity than usual. Lately, just walking around school had led to people whispering unwanted nicknames like “Enemy of Girls” or “Collector of Heartbroken Beauties,” but today it wasn’t just that—people who’d heard some new information were watching my every move, as if trying to verify its truth.
“Kasugai, is it true you were sharing an umbrella with first-year Shirasaki yesterday?”
Before I even had a chance to set my bag down at my desk, a male student called out to me. His expression went beyond envy or anger—it was one of resignation, as if he were facing an unknown life form. It’s true that the two of us had shared a single umbrella yesterday, but it had started raining suddenly, and since both my hands were full of cultural festival supplies, there simply wasn’t any other option.
“It started raining while we were out shopping.”
“Is that all?”
“What else could it be?”
“You’re really scary.”
“Why?”
Even though I asked for an explanation, the boy walked away with both hands covering his face. Just as I was trying to make sense of his attitude, I heard a conversation among the girls at the front of the classroom.
“Apparently, Shirasaki-san has had a crush on Kasugai-kun for a year now.”
“And yet Kasugai-kun didn’t notice until recently, right?”
“he’s apparently been doing the same thing to Himuro-san and the others too. Isn’t he just the type who unconsciously gives people false hope?”
Since there was some truth to what they were saying, it was hard for me to argue. It wasn’t that I hadn’t noticed Shirasaki’s feelings; it was that I had almost no memory of ever interacting with her in the first place. Still, the fact remained that I had forgotten an event that was important to Shirasaki, and ever since hearing that story yesterday, a small pang of guilt has lingered deep in my heart.
“Good morning, senpai.”
The subject of the rumors walked into the classroom as if the stares of those around her didn’t exist at all. Shirasaki walked straight to my seat without hesitation, stopped in front of my desk, and gave me a gentle smile.
“About the handkerchief I lent you yesterday…”
“Oh. I meant to wash it before returning it, so I left it at home today.”
When it started raining while we were out shopping, Shirasaki offered me her handkerchief to wipe the water droplets off the supplies for the cultural festival. Since I was carrying a lot of stuff and didn’t have time to return it right then, I ended up taking it home with me.
“You didn’t have to wash it.”
“No, I’ll return what I borrowed properly. I’ll bring it tomorrow.”
“Is that so?”
Shirasaki lowered her eyes, looking slightly disappointed, but quickly looked up again as if she’d just thought of something.
“So, that means I’ll get to receive the handkerchief you washed at your place.”
“Well, I suppose so.”
“I’ll take good care of it.”
“Just use it normally.”
“I can’t treat something that’s been taken home by you and washed by your own hands the same way I would a regular handkerchief.”
“Don’t attach any special significance to it.”
Shirasaki’s expression was serious. I could sense the students around us holding their breath, and I found myself seriously wondering why my words and actions always seemed to fuel the rumors.
“Shirasaki-san.”
With a cold tone, Himuro walked toward us. Though her expression was as composed as usual, the moment she realized Shirasaki and I were discussing the handkerchief, only the corners of her eyes hardened slightly.
“I don’t approve of a first-year coming to a second-year’s classroom without a valid reason.”
“I do have a reason. I was checking in with senpai about the handkerchief I lent him yesterday.”
“If that’s all it was, couldn’t you have talked about it in the student council room?”
“I wanted a reason to come to your classroom.”
Shirasaki answered without hesitation, and Himuro said nothing more. On the surface, their recent interactions looked like quiet conversations between a senior and a junior, but beneath the surface, there was always a tension, as if they were competing to see which of them could penetrate deeper into my daily life.
I wasn’t completely oblivious to that myself. At the very least, Shirasaki’s feelings were clear, and now that I’d heard what she said yesterday, it wouldn’t be honest to keep treating her as just a junior like I had been. However, that didn’t mean my feelings for Kotoha had completely vanished—not enough for me to give an answer right away.
“Shirasaki.”
“Yes.”
“I’ll give yesterday’s conversation some serious thought.”
When I told her that, Shirasaki’s eyes widened. I didn’t mean I was giving a response to her confession; I meant that I wouldn’t conveniently brush her feelings aside, but would accept them as feelings directed at me by a woman.
“I can’t give you an answer right now. But I won’t rule you out from the start.”
“……Yes.”
Shirasaki clasped her hands over her chest and flashed a smile that made her look even younger than usual. Watching her cheeks turn red made me feel increasingly uneasy, and I also noticed the warmth fading from Himuro’s expression as she stood beside me.
♦
That day at “Anemone,” I don’t know how word of my conversation with Shirasaki had gotten out, but by the time I arrived for work, Himuro, Natsume, and Shiina were already gathered at a table by the window. Drinks were lined up on the table, but no one had touched them, and the atmosphere felt like that of investigators waiting to question a suspect.
“Kasugai, is it true that you see Shirasaki as a romantic prospect?”
“That’s a bit too direct, don’t you think?”
“Is it true?”
Himuro’s question was quiet, but it carried a force that left me no room to dodge the issue. I stopped in my tracks, still holding the order slip, and briefly explained what I’d told Shirasaki that morning.
“I just thought it would be rude to ignore her feelings without giving it any thought. It’s not like I’m planning to start dating her right away or anything.”
“But you didn’t rule out the possibility, did you?”
“Yeah.”
Himuro lowered her eyes and stared at the surface of her tea. Natsume puffed out her cheeks in displeasure, and Shiina looked down at the notebook on her lap without making a move to write anything. All three of them might feel like Shirasaki had beaten them to it, but I think it’s more a sense of anxiety—as fellow heartbroken friends—that I might drift away from them.
“I have no intention of cutting ties with you guys.”
I said it to reassure them, but their expressions didn’t change.
“Kasugai-kun.”
After a moment of silence, Himuro looked straight up at me.
“What we’re asking for isn’t that kind of assurance.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s meaningless unless you understand that for yourself.”
I was presented with another riddle. Just as I was at a loss, the manager, who had been watching from the kitchen, chimed in with an exasperated laugh.
“Yuto. If you’re going to consider girls as candidates, you might need to be prepared to listen to everyone’s story fairly.”
“Please stop talking as if there are other candidates besides Shirasaki.”
When I objected, Himuro quietly closed her eyes, Natsume gazed up at the ceiling, and Shiina finally wrote a single line in her notebook.
[The protagonist took one step forward and three steps back.]
My relationship with Shirasaki had indeed moved forward just a little.
But I still hadn’t fully grasped how that single step was causing such strong turmoil in the emotions of the other three.
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