Source
https://kakuyomu.jp/works/2912051598917319858
I walked through the twilight streets of March on my way home.
I held a convenience store bag in my hand, containing two éclairs.
When I spotted them in the dessert section, I remembered that Elis used to love them.
The reason I hadn’t thought of Elis when I saw éclairs until just recently might be that, as she said, I had turned her into a memory.
(I hope she still likes them.)
As I thought that and opened the front door, I immediately heard footsteps coming from the living room.
“Welcome home, Rintaro.”
“I’m home, Ellis.”
There she was, Ellis, coming to greet me at the door as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
I realized that I had started to take this scene for granted.
“What’s that?”
“It’s an éclair. I remembered you used to like them. Would you like to have one with me after dinner?”
“──I’ll have one!”
When I handed her the bag, a smile lit up Elis’s face.
It’s not exactly anything special, so I feel a little guilty that she’s this happy about it.
“Just so you know, they’re just regular éclairs.”
“That’s not it—I’m just happy that you remembered.”
Elis was as happy as a child who’d just been given their first video game console.
It almost felt like she was about to break into a dance.
“So, how did the university visit go?”
“It was a huge help. With this, I don’t think I’ll have any trouble registering for classes.”
“Your friend is so kind.”
“Well, Shino’s always been the type to look out for others.”
As I answered while taking off my shoes, Elis narrowed her eyes slightly.
“Ever since back then—Shino—”
“We’ve been together since middle school, and we’re in the same department at college, so we naturally have a lot of opportunities to hang out.”
“I see. It’s reassuring to have someone you know around, isn’t it?”
Elis was as cheerful as ever.
But her smile was so beautiful that it tugged at my heart a little.
★ ☆ ★
The next day.
After an early lunch, we decided to go over our plans for college life ahead of the upcoming entrance ceremony.
The main things we needed to confirm were how to get to campus, how to contact each other if we ran into trouble, and where to meet up, among other things.
“…Will I and Rintaro be able to stay together at college?”
“Probably not. The campus is huge, and we’re in different departments, so I think we’ll end up going our separate ways a lot.”
“I see…”
Elis looked down, her spirits seemingly deflated.
Even though she can speak Japanese fluently, this is still a foreign land. I know all too well how unsettling it can be to be alone in a place like this.
“Of course, if you can’t find your way around or get stuck with paperwork, don’t hesitate to contact me. I promise I’ll help you out.”
“What about contacting you after class ends?”
“It might not be a good idea for us to be together right from the start. You’re definitely going to stand out, so if we’re seen together, it might spark some weird rumors.”
Even though there are quite a few international students at the university, I think you’ll stand out head and shoulders above the rest. There are bound to be all sorts of rumors floating around anyway, and if you’re seen with someone like me, people will just look at you with even more curiosity.
I don’t think that would be good for either of us.
“I also think it’s better not to tell people around us about the homestay. Even though we’re childhood friends, having a guy and a girl the same age living under the same roof is bound to cause all sorts of unnecessary misunderstandings.”
“Misunderstandings… Do you think I’m a bother to you, Rintaro?”
“No, that’s not it. It’s true I don’t want to stand out, but more than that, I want to avoid having people look at you strangely.”
What’s considered “normal” varies from country to country and culture to culture.
And people who are different from the norm—for better or worse—stand out and end up feeling out of place.
I don’t want Ellis to have to go through that kind of trouble.
I thought I’d explained it clearly.
But Ellis remained silent for a while, staring at the campus map spread out on the coffee table.
“…I understand.”
Eventually, Ellis gave a small nod.
“At college, I’ll try not to disrupt your sense of ‘normal,’ Rintaro.”
“No, that’s not what I meant—it’s not about disrupting anything.”
“It’s okay. I totally get it.”
Saying that, Ellis smiled.
It was a beautiful smile. So beautiful, it was almost a little scary.
“Rintaro, you’ve worked hard to live a normal life in Japan, haven’t you?”
“…Well, I guess so.”
“Then I shouldn’t get in the way of that, right?”
Elis said this with an understanding look on her face.
That was probably the answer I’d been looking for.
I wanted Elis to not stand out too much at college. I wanted to be normal, too. To make that happen, I wanted to keep a moderate distance from her at college.
So, normally, I should have been grateful that Elis said that.
Yet, I couldn’t help but feel uneasy.
“What about that female friend from yesterday?”
“Huh?”
“Will you see her at college too?”
Suddenly, Ellis asked me that.
“Well, we’re in the same department. We’ll probably have a lot of required classes in common.”
“Will you have lunch together?”
“I don’t know. She’ll probably make a lot of friends, so I can’t say for sure, but I guess we might eat together once in a while.”
The moment I answered, Elis’s expression twisted ever so slightly.
It wasn’t that she looked like she was about to cry. She wasn’t angry, either.
It was just the kind of look you get when something inside your chest quietly creaks.
“I see.”
Elis murmured softly.
“So that person is part of Rintaro’s ‘normal’ life, huh?”
“My ‘normal’ life…?”
“No, never mind.”
Elis shook her head.
Her smile looked forced.
“Rintaro, I’ll hold back at college. But in return—”
Her smile was merely a facade; there was no joy in it.
Her blue eyes, reminiscent of the deep sea, looked dark and murky, as if they had sunk to a bottom where no light reached.
“At home, let me spend more time with you.”
It was less of a request and more like a desperate plea.
I’ll hold back at college. I won’t get in your way outside. So at least, just inside this house…
She looked like she was holding on by a thread, right at that breaking point.
“…Alright. As much as I can.”
I felt bad for Ellis, but I had my own limits I couldn’t cross.
Besides, I had a bad feeling about this.
The same feeling I had on the very first day Ellis came over, when she pushed me down onto the bed.
“Then, I want to take a bath with you.”
“That’s a no.”
The image was just too much.
I was surprised by how unreasonable her request was—more so than I’d expected.
She might be feeling a little carried away, but a no is a no.
“What about in swimsuits?”
“That’s not the issue here.”
If anything, that actually feels a bit sleazy for some reason.
Maybe she finds it amusing that I’m flat-out refusing, because a playful look is slowly returning to Ellis’s face. Is she enjoying making me uncomfortable?
“Rintaro’s idea of ‘normal’ is tough to figure out.”
“I think that suggestion was hard to handle even if it wasn’t ‘normal’.”
“Then I’ll compromise. If a bath is out of the question, how about you dry my hair?”
“hair?”
“Yeah, after I get out of the bath, I want you to blow-dry my hair, Rintaro.”
Well, if it’s just this much…
It’s a lot more realistic than her previous suggestion.
I suppose it’s still pretty weird to call it “normal,” but I can’t bring myself to brush off Eris’s request any further.
After all, my own inadequacy is partly to blame.
“Alright, if that’s what you want.”
“Hehe…”
The life had returned to Elis’s face.
At least she wasn’t looking as downcast as she had been a moment ago.
“Hey, Rintaro. I’ll do exactly as you say at college, okay?”
“I see… I’m sorry, Ellis.”
“No, it’s not your fault, Rintaro. I’m sorry for being so selfish.”
That was the hardest thing to hear.
“You just want to be normal, don’t you? So I’ll make sure not to get in your way when we’re out…”
Ellis continued, looking straight at me.
“But at home, I want to be part of your ‘normal’ too.”
That’s unfair.
There’s no way I could refuse her when she put it like that.
If I refused even something as simple as letting her dry her hair here, I’d end up pushing Elis away both at college and at home.
It would be just like back then, when I put away the photos, put off replying to her letters, and before I knew it, had pushed Eris out of my life.
“…Just don’t do this every day, okay?”
“Got it!”
A vivid blue light shone in Elis’s eyes.
It seemed I’d managed to avoid making another mistake.
★ ☆ ★
That night.
After getting out of the bath, Elis came into the living room with her hair still wet, just as she’d promised.
She wore white loungewear and had a towel draped over her shoulder.
Her long blonde hair, heavy with moisture, fell down her back, looking a little heavier than usual.
“Rintaro.”
“…Yeah, yeah.”
A hair dryer was already sitting on the coffee table.
She’s well-prepared. Too well-prepared.
Elis sat down in front of the sofa and turned her back to me.
“Please do it.”
“Tell me if it’s too hot.”
“Okay.”
I flipped the switch on the hair dryer.
A buzzing sound filled the living room.
I directed the airflow into the inner layers of her hair, gently lifting it with my fingertips.
Elis’s hair was finer and softer than I’d imagined. Even though it felt slightly heavy from being wet, it slipped smoothly through my fingers.
She used to hide her face behind her bangs.
Whether she was talking to me or being complimented by someone else, she’d immediately fiddle with her hair and look down.
Now, that hair has grown so long and beautiful.
It’s not just that it’s grown.
It’s hair she’s cared for, styled, and nurtured over time—all so others would notice it.
“…I’m happy.”
“About what?”
“It feels like someone’s stroking my head.”
Mixed in with the sound of the hair dryer, Eris said softly.
“A long time ago, Rintaro used to stroke my head, didn’t he?”
“Did he?”
“When I showed him my drawings. Rintaro said they were amazing, and he stroked my head too.”
“Sorry, I don’t remember—”
To me, it was probably just a casual thing.
Maybe it was because, when we were kids, I treated Ellis—who was a little younger than me—like a little sister.
But for Ellis, it must have been different.
It’s a memory important enough that she still remembers it and can talk about it like this.
What I’ve turned into a memory, Ellis still holds onto in the present tense.
I felt like I could sense that, along with the feel of her hair against my fingertips.
I dried her hair in silence for a while.
Ellis would occasionally shrug her shoulders, perhaps because it tickled, but she looked very relaxed and comfortable.
Once the moisture had been drawn out of her hair, I ran the air through to the very ends.
When I turned off the hair dryer, the living room suddenly fell silent.
Ellis gently touched her dry hair, ran her fingertips through it as if reluctant to let it go, and then turned to face me.
“Thanks, Rintaro.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Don’t forget about today, okay?”
“I know, I won’t forget.”
When I said that, Ellis nodded with a satisfied look on her face.
Ellis had said this before.
That she would engrave everything into my memory so I wouldn’t forget.
Today’s events must be part of that plan.
As proof of that, before I knew it, having Elis in this house had started to feel normal to me. And this was after just a few days.
For now, I’m still able to refuse Elis’s requests.
But if things like today keep happening little by little, I wonder how far I’ll be able to draw the line.
Thinking about that, I felt a little scared about the college life that was about to begin.
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