“Kouki sama, it is not a good idea. Smoking cigarettes in the classroom, even though it is empty.”
The agent whose body is sticking out of the goldfish tank on the floor said something unusually serious. It’s not exactly a line from someone who turned me into an adult body.
“….I know I did a bad thing. But it’s already been done. One or two sins doesn’t make a difference.”
I answered while keeping Shinobu san, who was sleeping on the floor with her body hidden by my jacket. That’s right. I’ve already done it. I’ve responded to Shinobu san’s feelings. The crime once committed can be atoned for, but it cannot be undone.
“Aren’t you going out with Shinobu sama?”
“…..I’m not. Shinobu san also said that. Just for a spur of the moment. She’s taking an exam and I’m working as your test subject. There’s plenty of reasons why we can’t be together. Above all, I’m going back to the future someday. My personality will change sooner or later. I can’t be irresponsible with that.”
“I see. You’re just going to leave her.”
“……Well, I guess so.”
I won’t make excuses. I can’t do it. This is between me and Shinobu san. It doesn’t matter what other people say.
“Well…… that’s it. It’s a common thing. You know, the kind of thing where you say, [I’m moving to Tokyo and I won’t be able to see you anymore, so let’s make this a one-time memory.] or something like that.”
“Yes, that often happens. The story about being timid with love after being cheated on.”
“When did I ever talk about Saki?”
“You always have, haven’t you? Saki sama cheated on you. That’s how it started.”
“It ain’t about that person no more.”
“The experience of that memory is still there, so it can’t be unrelated. You’re afraid of dating because you might be betrayed just like Saki sama did. That’s why you’re desperately looking for a reason to start a relationship. That’s you, right?”
“….What the hell. Are you blaming me?”
“No, I’m not. You just talk about yourself as if you are special, but you’re not. I was just disappointed by a thought that even I already knew.”
The ashes from the cigarette I was smoking fell to the floor. I never smoked a lot of cigarettes in the first place. It was hard to even finish one, but my hand naturally grabbed the next cigarette.
“Then……what am I supposed to do…..! What should I do……!”
But no matter how many times I rubbed the lighter, it would not light. The reason was simple. Because the tip of the cigarette was damp from my tears.
“I really don’t know……whether I like Shinobu san or not……! I don’t know at all……!”
No matter what I did, my feelings didn’t change. Is it okay to go out with Shinobu-san? The answer to this question will never come out. I like Shinobu san. I want her to be happy. But I don’t know if that feeling is love or not. I don’t understand.
It’s different from when I was with Saki. I really liked Saki. I wanted to marry her. But it didn’t come true. After that, I……I……!
“……Kouki sama and I are the same.”
“What do you mean….the same?”
“I have only been finished for a few months. Kouki sama is 27 years old. In society as a whole, I would say you are a young man. There are still many things you don’t know. you have a lot to learn. Going out with someone because you like them is not the only way. you grow to like them as you go out with them. Before you know it, you will fall in love with them. There are many paths in this world. So I’m sure Kouki sama will……”
I noticed that the agent’s figure had disappeared from next to me. Instead, from the front, a half-naked Shinobu san who had woken up was approaching me.
“More……I want to do it more…….”
Her body hugged me and she stood tall with emotion, pressing me for a kiss.
“I’m sorry ……I don’t want it to be one time……. I want to do more…… I want to do something that makes me feel good…… and make me happy……more and more……!”
Humans are also animals. There are times when we can’t suppress our emotions with reason. But……we can’t. I’m an……adult, I shouldn’t break the rules.
“Shinobu san…..are you fine with me…..?”
“It’s fine…… because it’s you, Kouki kun. I want to go out with you, Kouki kun……!”
I still don’t know if I like Shinobu san. So it’s absolutely not good. Even though the 26 year old me has been saying that.
“Okay….., let’s do that.”
My mouth was saying the exact opposite of my reason. Oh, come to think of it.
“It’s late but…..happy birthday.”
Today was the day of my new year.
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